Thursday, 5 March 2015

How many tattoos do you have? Part 36 - Party Panther! (plus a better shot of the hip rooster)

Excuse my lack of pedicured toenails or whatever, I am not a fancy lady, just some normal person who keeps their toenails short and their feet clean and believes that is enough thank you very much.

This tattoo is a Hunter Spanks design, and it was the first tattoo I got after starting to work at Tattoo Zoo, so it's about 8 years old now. I found it while going through some tattoo flash website and just kept laughing at it for days until Gerry, my boss, said something like "why don't you just get it already?"

And so I did.

You guys. Foot tattoos are BRUTAL. They hurt so much!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! NEVER GET ONE

No, just kidding, you should get one. Two actually. Or more. Because they look good and you can wear open shoes and feel all cool or whatever, but I warn you, they hurt a lot.

Except when my mom got her foot tattooed, she said it was easy and barely hurt. So maybe my mom's a liar but I doubt it, why would she lie about that?

ALSO, when looking for tattoo pictures I had in my billions of pictures I found a better one of the hip rooster from a few weeks back, if anyone still cares to see it.

Wednesday, 4 March 2015

March Links 1


Watch Ransom Riggs go into the old homes in Belgium and Luxembourg he wrote about in Miss Peregrine's Home for Peculiar Children.

Tuesday, 3 March 2015

Just checking in.

(I found this image by Googling "thumbs up" but seriously look at the page it came from for a laugh.)

Just wanted to let you all know the new anxiety meds are working great so far. I'm a bit sleepier than usual but that could change as I get used to them. I haven't had an unwarrented moment of terror in two full days. I can almost feel this comforting blanket around my heart when something that would normally set me off happens, it's weird but very welcome.

Thanks to everybody who commented on my last post and texted me and everything, it meant a lot.

The sun is shining today, both literally and metaphorically.

Saturday, 28 February 2015

the downs and ups of yesterday

Thursday night I went to bed early. I had eaten a bit of chocolate and felt extremely nauseated by it for some reason, and then just wanted to go to bed. It was like 8:30, but that's not weird on the days I have to get up at 5 to make it to work on time AND get in my dose of morning dog snuggles.

Well anyway I lay down and my brain went haywire. I was thinking about how poorly Tank seems to be doing lately. It's almost like every day he's limping more, he's been falling down a lot, he groans when he has to stand up, that kind of thing.

Then the thought passed through my mind "How will we know when it's time to put him down?"

And I guess my brain is wired a little strangely around death since my brother passed away, because the thought of making that decision instantly had me sobbing. And then I had a REALLY bad panic attack, the kind where you're hyperventilating and can't stop, you're clutching your pillow and you can feel your pupils dilating and you feel the worst terror. I texted Ryan from the bedroom to bring me my bag and I took an ativan, and it still took me a good 30 minutes to slow down again. We talked it out, the whole thing about Tank being a different dog now, but he's not giving up so neither are we.

I am so lucky Ryan is in my life. He handles these things with so much grace and never makes me feel weird about it. Even when I look like this and wiped snot on my sleeve. I mean, I could see if somebody didn't understand the weirdness of it all, this would be the dumbest thing ever. You're crying this much because your dog is limping? Jesus christ girl get it together.

Anyway that was the final straw for me.  A lot of bad things have been happening. A LOT of anxiety, enough to mess me up at work and cause late night freakouts. So yesterday morning Ryan drove me out to my doctor's office.

I have a friend who knows a lot about this kind of thing, and she texted me through the wait in the lobby. Because a guy was trying to make small talk about the fucking weather to everybody and I couldn't handle it and guess what, that plus the pressure of having to say things to a doctor and that dumb thing where I feel like nobody is going to believe me and I'll have to convince them it's true... caused another panic attack to rise up. I tweeted about it and she came to my rescue.

We texted until my doctor literally came into the examination room. Thanks, Sarah.

Anyway I told him about all my dark thoughts, I told him about the panic and the way I get grey vision and a rapid heart rate if something minor happens at work and all the things. Everything. And he was 100% on my side from the beginning. He changed my medication to something with more anxiety help in it, he gave me more ativan, and his advice was to make sure I take care of myself (sleeping eating, resting, exercising, etc) and not rely on anybody else to make me happy, only I can make me happy.

It was a really nice little pep talk he gave me, and he really knew how to make me feel not crazy. It was good.

After that I came home and was a grey zombie. I lay on the couch staring at nothing until I decided to have a nap that ended up lasting 4 hours.

Ryan came in the bedroom and said he was taking me out for dinner.

The crazy guy had called into a radio station contest and won us a REALLY fancy free dinner, just the two of us. The kids had movie passes and so we dropped them off with a couple friends and went out on a date. It was amazing. It was so out of the norm for us, like fancy champagne and candlelight and a view of the city over the water and probably the most delicious food EVER ON THE PLANET. It shook off the rest of the weird and was absolutely romantic and wonderful.

I even wore the dress that I wasn't allowed to wear at a wedding, and makeup and did my hair and all of it.

Today is Saturday now and I'm ready to start my new medication and try again. 

Hit the refresh button. 

The doctor told me if he were an airplane pilot he'd tell me to fasten my seatbelt because it could be a bumpy ride, so wish me luck. lol I hope it's smooth sailing.

Friday, 27 February 2015

Final February Links

We could use this Netflix feature in our house. Half the time we give up because we can never find something we all agree on.



Reading in 2015 - book 4 - I Robot by Issac Assimov

Science Fiction always makes me feel weird. I guess it's part of the experience, it's written in such a minimal style and kind of leaves me feeling cold. But when you're reading about robots and the future that is how you want to feel. So yeah, it's perfect.

I loved this book. I know it's a movie too, I haven't seen it and frankly I can't understand how they ever took this material and turned it into a Will Smith movie. Basically it's a series of short stories chronicling the way robots and mining in outer space evolved over the lifetime of one scientist, a robopsychologist. And yeah, I loved it.The aesthetic of the book cover up at the top of this post is how the mood of the book felt, if that makes sense. Retrofuturistic.

So if you're at all into SciFi and haven't, for whatever reason, read this yet, DO IT.


Thursday, 26 February 2015

internet weirdos - The chronicles of Sadie's stinky sneezes

On April 29 2011, I wrote a blog post about how sometimes my sneezes smell like honey. It's true, and it's totally weird when it happens. It's been a while, actually. Maybe I'm over it, whatever "it" was.

Every once in a while I will get a notification from Disqus that another person has commented on that post. It's kind of cool because it's always somebody going "I thought I was crazy, I have this too".

Like this one from Saturday:

But recently a woman has been totally spamming/trolling me with the weirdest emails and comments. So I thought I'd share them with you. You may have seen the most recent one on my instagram yesterday:

Is it a tad immoral to give out her email to the entire world? Well what's going to happen, she'll get weird emails from a stranger? Good!

I'm not mad but what the fuck lady? These emails are just...what?  Why? And they're spaced out, I get one every few days, whatever the point of this is, it's a long con situation.

Here are the rest in the order in which I received them. Oh my god I just laughed out loud re-reading them. It reads like the opening credits of Monty Python's Holy Grail with the Moose thing.

The first one is a comment on the blog post, and the rest were sent to my email.

"My sneezes only stink if they come out as a spray. They smell like cinnamon or honey. The smell also lingers. It's really embarrassing when my friends tell me that my sneeze stinks."

 "My old foster mother Shelly was one of the first people that I noticed had stink sneezes. But hers was really stink."

"Hello my name is Sadie. I just ran into your blog about stinky sneezes. I can say that I have stinky sneezes. I noticed that it happens when I sneeze and it comes out as a spray! No spray no stink. Spray sneezes usually occur in areas where there is air conditioners. Like in buildings or cars. My friends and my girlfriend notices the stink too. It smells like cinnamon or honey. I know this is weird but I don't mind the stink. Sometimes it smells nice and sweet even when it has a stink to it. My daughter has stinky sneezes as well as my girlfriend. The only thing that bothers me is when I sneeze into my shirt sometimes the smell goes right back into my face really strong!"

"My foster mom had some really stink sneezes. When we were in her van she likes to turn the AC on so all of the windows are up. I would sneeze and sometimes she would. My sneezes would stink. But hers? They were so stink. It was so bad that when she sneezed, she sneezed on the steering wheel. All of the spray from her spit and sneeze had gotten on the steering wheel and dried up. Sometimes I had to drive and I could smell it. It got on my hands so my hands would stink. I wouldn't mind if she had sneezed on my face. I was used to her stinky sneezes."

"Then there was my aunts Leilani and Yolanda. Both of them knew that they had stink sneezes. They were the ones who sneezed on my face. They did that several times to put me to sleep. The stink knocked me out. They wanted me out so they could touch me! I was a good girl."

Got a little creepy there.

And then the one yesterday:

"My daughter has stinky sneezes." 

What will the tale of the stinky sneeze bring next time? Can't wait for her next email. I especially like the longer ones, they're so goddamn funny. I'll keep you updated.